First Love

    To effectively begin a dialogue about love we must start at the beginning. What is love? What do most people interpret as being "in love"? As I reflect on my earliest interpretations of my initial understanding of love I realize just how disillusioned I was. As a teenager my first lessons of love revolved around physical attraction. Not necessarily beauty just "physical". There was something about Imma Jean in my elementary school days that made her stand out to me. She wasn't the prettiest girl but there was just something about her. She was smart, and the way she wore her socks on those little bow legs really turned me on. She had these thick, juicy lips that as a young fellow I found very attractive and alluring.
Young innocent love back in my day only wanted to be near, to hold hands, to get a smile, maybe eat lunch at the same table. That was then. Now it seems that younger and younger children are kissing and having sex as a product of what they think is love. That activity has resulted in a huge increase in teen pregnancy and unwed mothers. I am going to go out on a limb here and take the position that it is not primarily the girl's fault. If young men would be more responsible, if they would be taught and instructed more on respect and honor it would have a positive impact on the teen pregnancy problem. Thinking back to my junior high and high school days, I was just as misinformed and misled as most. My whole approach to girls and dating was the concept of conquest. Seeing how many girls I could manipulate and persuade to have sex with me using charm, influence, peer pressure and whatever other devices were at my disposal. It wasn't about getting to know them, or any future potential relationship or dealings; it was just about being the man among my male peers. There was no thought of my responsibility for robbing a girl of her innocence or any potential outcomes like pregnancy.
I believe the spirit and attitude behind that particular behavior was a result of slavery and is still with us today. Black slaves being disenfranchised from any sense of family and their role in it just sexed women and moved on. No attachment, no responsibility because they were both owned by someone else. That spirit of irresponsibility is still pervasive in our culture and among our men today. Somehow is has really grabbed hold on the new generation. You can see and hear it in the music and the videos that they perform, hear and watch. The attitude is one of breeding or sowing your oats like an animal with no thought or consideration to the repercussions or ramifications of your actions. But that is not love. Love is not lust. Love is on a higher level than lust or attraction and involves considerably more thought, investment, and/or actions. Love involves at least 5 C's: commitment, consideration, compassion, compromise and communication. Love is a relationship. God challenges us in his Word that if we don't love our brother that we see, we cannot honestly love him who we have not seen. The love for our brother is shown through relationship. How we treat one another with respect and dignity. Whether we help and are charitable and kind to one another. It's all about relationship.
My point is that there are too many people going beyond the veil into the court of intimacy (into me see) before or without establishing a relationship with one another. For a brief moment of pleasure (and I mean brief with the young people who haven't even learned how to make love) there is no thought to the higher value of what love really is all about. Society has cheapened the value of love to where it is almost meaningless and without value. Just look at the recent Kardishian wedding fiasco. Where was the love in that? Love goes beyond the bedroom into the details of your life together. Love has no problem compromising or working things out to be, and/or to stay together. We should have something to talk about after the intercourse. Intercourse is the most intimate coming together we can experience as human beings, we should never engage in that with strangers or people we don't even know yet. That's where the commitment "C" comes in. Some of the lyrics in my What is Love song is that "love is more than just a feeling you feel".
Next blog: Discussing the rest of the C's
How to Love-What Every Man Should Know