What is Love?

The 5 C's of Love 

It's just something about the letter "C" that places it at the beginning of a bunch of words that relate to real love.  I have to qualify the word love because it has been abused and misused so much in our world today.  We let the entertainment and other communicative industries tell and teach us what love is and most times they could not be further from the truth.  You know how in the movies in the heat of passion two people just rip off their clothes and start doing the nasty?   That ain't love.  The reason there are so many broken marriages and broken homes is that people realized after the nasty that they actually had to talk with one another.  Some found that when that inevitable moment occurred they had issues and conflicts because they didn't know the person they were speaking with.  What they did know was that they weren't that crazy about them and for sure did not "love" them.  There were no "C's" present in the relationship.  When the "C's" are not present, love ain't either. 


The state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled.  This should happen before intimacy.  Before I allow you to in-to-me-see, we should have already agreed on some things concerning where our relationship is going.  We must be led by the Spirit so we don't let the physical rule us.  We don't let our nature and appetites lead us to do things without thought.  Single parenting is a product of having sex and then having babies before any commitment was ever made between the two parties.  We just lie down together and hope for the best.  We are finding we can't get best, out of mess.  Don't get me wrong, I know that we are all human and we make mistakes consciously and unconsciously.  I'm just saying that when we decide to think with our Spirit and our minds, things have a tendency to work out better.  That's even applicable with diet.  You know you shouldn't have had that last piece of cake or pie, but you did it anyway.  You didn't have to eat until you were so full they had to call two rides for you, one for you and another one for your stomach and butt.  If nothing else if we would just commit to thinking before we make decisions we would fare considerably better.  All decisions have outcomes, consequences, and possible repercussions.  Think about that and then think before you act.

A process by which information is exchanged between individuals; also : exchange of information; personal rapport.  People wake up!   Unless we are gifted with the ability to communicate and hear through telepathy and are capable of mind reading, we have to talk to one another.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH AND ON TO THIS PAGE?  There should be a lot of communicating going on even before the commitment phase.  How can we commit to someone or something without first knowing who or what that is that we are committing to?  Why would we?  Please note the phrase information "exchanged".  Communication is a two way street with two components: speaking and listening.  Or in my case being a man, listening and speaking.  My brothers we need to do a better job of listening so we can know the right thing to say.  We all need to harness our more sensitive side when looking for or dealing with our better halves.  Let me get to know you, and you get to know me.  In the Bible God said Adam "knew" Eve and then Cain and Abel were born.  He made the term "know" have a duplicity of function.  The actual knowing through commitment, communication, compassion, consideration and compromise combined with the intimacy that the C's inspired and birthed something living.  Know somebody before you do somebody.  Know somebody before you get with somebody.  Talk, listen, hear and relate and do it with more than just your body, do it with your mind and Spirit.  More C's to come, stay tuned to the love blog, because it's all about...love!

What Every Man Should Know 

On my latest project you will find a song that I wrote entitled "Found a Little Spot".  Please don't let your imagination run away with you in the wrong direction.  The first thing that every man should know is that "the spot" for a woman is more than sexual.  I know the first thought that comes into folks minds when they hear the hook on this song it is referring to the sexual spot.  You know the one that most men don't have a clue about anyway.  Every man should know that the spot is different based upon where the need is.  For some women the spot may be security, for others it may be closeness.  The spot can be whatever is needed to make that woman feel safe, confident and comfortable.  For some it may be letting her know she is important to you.  For others it may be a reassurance that she is the only woman in the world for you.  Now don't get me wrong, within the sacred confines of marriage a man still needs to find that romantic, passionate "spot" that will inevitably make his baby "yell, scream, and shout".  Keeping in mind that there is more to romance than just the sexual act itself.  Find the spot through talking, touching, hearing and listening.  Communication is fundamental and key to maintaining a healthy relationship sexual and otherwise.  Most couples can connect the time they stopped relating with the time they stopped communicating.  We get distracted by the pressures of life and become estranged from one another.  All of a sudden life just becomes about maintaining and increasing.  We get on a merry-go-round of trying to "make it" and begin to sterilize our own relationships.  I encourage you today to take the time to talk to one another, reconnect the dots.  Take the time to stop...and smell the flowers together, you will be glad that you did.  

First Love 

    To effectively begin a dialogue about love we must start at the beginning. What is love? What do most people interpret as being "in love"? As I reflect on my earliest interpretations of my initial understanding of love I realize just how disillusioned I was. As a teenager my first lessons of love revolved around physical attraction. Not necessarily beauty just "physical". There was something about Imma Jean in my elementary school days that made her stand out to me. She wasn't the prettiest girl but there was just something about her. She was smart, and the way she wore her socks on those little bow legs really turned me on. She had these thick, juicy lips that as a young fellow I found very attractive and alluring.
Young innocent love back in my day only wanted to be near, to hold hands, to get a smile, maybe eat lunch at the same table. That was then. Now it seems that younger and younger children are kissing and having sex as a product of what they think is love. That activity has resulted in a huge increase in teen pregnancy and unwed mothers. I am going to go out on a limb here and take the position that it is not primarily the girl's fault. If young men would be more responsible, if they would be taught and instructed more on respect and honor it would have a positive impact on the teen pregnancy problem. Thinking back to my junior high and high school days, I was just as misinformed and misled as most. My whole approach to girls and dating was the concept of conquest. Seeing how many girls I could manipulate and persuade to have sex with me using charm, influence, peer pressure and whatever other devices were at my disposal. It wasn't about getting to know them, or any future potential relationship or dealings; it was just about being the man among my male peers. There was no thought of my responsibility for robbing a girl of her innocence or any potential outcomes like pregnancy.
I believe the spirit and attitude behind that particular behavior was a result of slavery and is still with us today. Black slaves being disenfranchised from any sense of family and their role in it just sexed women and moved on. No attachment, no responsibility because they were both owned by someone else. That spirit of irresponsibility is still pervasive in our culture and among our men today. Somehow is has really grabbed hold on the new generation. You can see and hear it in the music and the videos that they perform, hear and watch. The attitude is one of breeding or sowing your oats like an animal with no thought or consideration to the repercussions or ramifications of your actions. But that is not love. Love is not lust. Love is on a higher level than lust or attraction and involves considerably more thought, investment, and/or actions. Love involves at least 5 C's: commitment, consideration, compassion, compromise and communication. Love is a relationship. God challenges us in his Word that if we don't love our brother that we see, we cannot honestly love him who we have not seen. The love for our brother is shown through relationship. How we treat one another with respect and dignity. Whether we help and are charitable and kind to one another. It's all about relationship.
My point is that there are too many people going beyond the veil into the court of intimacy (into me see) before or without establishing a relationship with one another. For a brief moment of pleasure (and I mean brief with the young people who haven't even learned how to make love) there is no thought to the higher value of what love really is all about. Society has cheapened the value of love to where it is almost meaningless and without value. Just look at the recent Kardishian wedding fiasco. Where was the love in that? Love goes beyond the bedroom into the details of your life together. Love has no problem compromising or working things out to be, and/or to stay together. We should have something to talk about after the intercourse. Intercourse is the most intimate coming together we can experience as human beings, we should never engage in that with strangers or people we don't even know yet. That's where the commitment "C" comes in. Some of the lyrics in my What is Love song is that "love is more than just a feeling you feel".
Next blog: Discussing the rest of the C's
How to Love-What Every Man Should Know